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Romanticize: deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

I looked up the definition on Google lmao

𝗦ometimes I worry that by putting as much work as I do into making this blog all pretty and aesthetically pleasing to my own eyes is like lowkey doing more harm than good. Am I glamorizing a story of abuse? Am I sacrificing the meaning behind the story just so that my stupid blog looks pretty? I don’t know.

I even feel like the way that I talk about the book in my blog posts isn’t particularly good. Because I feel that by analyzing it like its a beautiful literary take on two complex characters, I’m basically diminishing the reality of abusive behavior throughout the book.

Lana Del Ray has a few songs that romanticize Lolita. “Off To The Races” has lyrics that include the first lines of the novel. Lana Del Ray has two other songs titled “Lolita” and “Carmen”. Both songs are references to the novel and revolve around youth and male attraction. The story of Dolores Haze’s abuse and trauma became hidden behind vintage aesthetics which is so depressing. As much as I love my girl Lana, these songs have DEFINITELY played a role into the unhealthy view that some have when it comes to the novel and its themes.

Even all the different covers of the novel all play a role in the hyper sexualization of young girls in American culture which is literally DIGUSTING. All the various covers that depict a girl are always done in such a gross and revolting manner; they’re always like half naked or acting “grown”– AND THEY ARE ALWAYS *YOUNG*! Even the cover of the book I have is gross in my opinion. I feel like putting a girl on the cover just makes a Lolita another thing to look at or gaze upon just as Humbert did and it just makes me feel super duper ICKY. All the covers with a little girl putting on makeup or posed in a “seductive” manner just perpetuate the pedophilic male gaze to an uncomfortable degree. I’m pretty sure the author HIMSELF (Vladimir Nabokov) didn’t want a girl to be placed on the cover. What a cruel world that we live in.

AND I’VE READ A FEW TIMES- PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT THIS BOOK IS A LOVE STORY. A ?? LOVE ??? STORY ???? If you think that this book is a love story, I wholeheartedly believe that there are more than a couple things that you have to reflect on.

I think that a lot of the time, people forget that Humbert is actually a pedophile and is greasy and gross and unclean and grimy in every way possible. I feel like a lot of people just like- ignore the fact that Humbert is an unreliable narrator and we’re seeing everything through his own twisted perception. He doesn’t love Lolita, he never did. Even his use of the nickname Lolita proves that Humbert never saw her for who she was but instead projected such fabrication he had of her onto reality. When you remove all the intricately written descriptions that come with Nabokov’s style, you’re left with the sad and distorted perception of a delusional man.

I feel like if Vladimir Nabokov was alive and saw how a select few certain people have interpreted his work, he would be so disappointed.

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𝐈 really like this book, do not get me wrong. But there are just times where the ICK is so strong that I have to stop reading for a bit and take a break. Most of these quotes are just the way that Humbert is describing the things that are happening around him and it somehow always ends up gross and makes me stare at the page in disbelief.

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Anyways here are five quotes that made me either throw up a lil in my mouth or made me question why someone would ever write something like this:

… and every movement she made, every shuffle and ripple, helped me to conceal and to improve the secret system of tactile correspondence between beast and beauty — between gagged, bursting beast and the beauty of her dimpled body in its innocent cotton frock.

page 59

This quote is from part 1 chapter 13, which is the first time that Humbert basically rapes Lolita. Throughout this whole exchange, Humbert uses such abstract and figurative language which stopped me from comprehending what was going on the first time I read this section. He represents his pleasure in such ornate, complicated language that honestly distracted me from paying too much attention from his molestation of Lolita.

And literally the fact that Humbert claims that Lolita didn’t notice anything as he touched her really just made me completely flabbergasted at how absolutely delusional this creep really is.

… there was but one thing in my mind and pulse — namely, the awareness that a few hours hence, warm, brown-haired, and mine, mine, mine, Lolita would be in my arms, shedding tears that I would kiss away faster than they could well.

page 101

Bruh this is literally after Charlotte Haze, Humbert’s wife and the mother of Lolita, dies in a tragic car accident. The way that Humbert didn’t even seem fazed that she died in such a horrific manner and in reality seemed joyous over the loss of Charlotte just disgusted me. He was literally planning to drown Charlotte just a few chapters prior and I resent the way that everything basically just works out for him in part one of the novel. Humbert manipulated and outright used Charlotte in order to get to her daughter and it just really like- bothered me that he doesn’t grieve for the woman that housed and actually cared for him. Charlotte was a fragile and broken woman and she didn’t deserve to go through everything that she went through.

And she was mine, she was mine, the key was in my fist, my fist was in my pocket, she was mine.

page 125

I hated this chapter. Not because it was poorly written or anything but because Humbert literally gets everything he wanted and I legitimately hate the way that he got to do whatever he wanted without consequences. He literally DRUGGED Lolita and left the room to wait for the sleeping pills to take effect so that he could take advantage of her in her sleeping state. He doesn’t even view Lolita as a person anymore, but rather an object for him to own and conquer.

I am going to tell you something very strange: it was she who seduced me.

page 132

I think I actually screamed when I read this part. I just wanted to tell him to SHUTT UPPP like oh my- You are a forty. year. old. GROWN MAN! Lolita is a twelve year old child who doesn’t know any better. It just made me so mad that Humbert never even really took accountability for what he did to Lolita and its just so ICKY hearing this grown ass man speak as if none of the molestation, the rape, or manipulation was his fault.

At the hotel we had separate rooms, but in the middle of the night she came sobbing into mine, and we made it up very gently. You see, she had absolutely nowhere else to go.

Page 142

This quote legitimately just haunted me. He just revealed to Lolita that her own mother was dead. Just like Humbert, Lolita is now basically an outcast, an orphan with no where to go. She is only twelve years old, where is she supposed to run for comfort?? Not only that, but Humbert decidedly drives Lolita states away to a place that isn’t her home and she doesn’t recognize. I hate the way that he takes advantage of and basks in Lolita’s grief. The way that these sentences conclude part one of the novel is honestly beautiful in the most horrific and gross way imaginable. Because to me, these sentences admit that Humbert has won; that all the pieces of his own disturbing puzzle have finally fit together.

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𝐈 think the best place to start is with the main man himself, Humbert Humbert.

There are a few colors that I think about when I read Humbert’s name on the page. Other than puke green (I don’t want to put a reference photo of the puke green color because it will ruin the aesthetic of my blog but just imagine the most disgusting brownish-green color out there and THAT is how I feel about Humbert), I feel like the colors he makes me think of are usually darker colors that are very deep. Especially dark blues and purples.

For some reason, whenever Humbert talks about his attire or what he’s wearing at the time, he always mentions some sort of purple robe. Imperial Purple is literally the EXACT color that comes to mind every time that he brings up that stupid robe. Since the narrative is being told through Humbert’s own eyes, I feel as if he creates this own “royal air” around himself. Purple, to me, is the color of royalty and I feel that Humbert is always trying to make it seem like he’s so much better than everyone else; that he can do whatever he wants because no matter what, he’ll be able to outsmart everyone. Purple happens to be my favorite color so this particular shade is pretty much ruined for me :/

I choose navy peony because blue is just a classic color but at the same time… nothing extraordinary. This specific color reminds me of formal businessman suits too… for some reason. When Humbert speaks, he sounds SO pretentious that it makes me feel as if he’s only using multisyllabic words in order to confuse me and stop me from understanding that he’s literally confessing to being an actual predator. I also feel that people who like dark blue are always hiding something.

Dolores Haze without a doubt reminds me of Fiery Red. Literally at the age of 12, she’s just so cocky and quick-witted when it comes to talking back to her mother that sometimes its honestly funny. She gives me the same vibes as a cousin that you rarely see but whenever you do see them, they say the most out of pocket things since they don’t know any better. She seems like someone that I would have gotten along with when I was 12 and I absolutely ABHOR Humbert for even thinking about her in an inappropriate way and feeling almost entitled to her body. Like bro- she is tWELVE YEARS OLD- leave her alone and let her live her childhood to the fullest 🙁

I also get reminded of the color yellow because whenever Humbert sees or talks about her, the weather always seems perfect and sunny. Even his first impression of her, she was bathed in sunlight. She also is basically the light of his life and Humbert is willing to do anything to have his way with her which is so… gross. Dolores seems to have such a light and fun personality that I feel like yellow is a good way to describe her aura.

I feel so bad and I pity Charlotte Haze a lot in this story. I was actually sad when (!SPOILER!) she died. I just feel a lot of sympathy towards her because all she wanted to do was please Humbert and be a good housewife to him but he just used her for his own personal and disgusting gain. I choose spearmint because this particular color reminds me of those old vintage refrigerators commonly seen in the 50s (I think?). I feel horrible for her character because she did EVERYTHING she could to make Humbert feel at home and when she found out about his… feelings… towards her own daughter, she tries to get away and then literally DIES. I mean, Charlotte was honestly a bit crazy and very possessive, but it just makes me hate Humbert SO MUCH MORE because he would just complain about her all the time and make comments on her body 🙁 not to mention that he would think about ways to kill her almost 24/7

I also chose this pink color because it reminds me of that pink that makes you less violent and less aggressive. Charlotte had her own handful of problems but the one thing that bothers me the most is that when she finds Humbert’s writings about Dolores, she kinda like– just doesn’t do anything about it. She writes her own letters that say that she’s going to take her and Dolores out of the house and move somewhere else to get away from Humbert. But she doesn’t alert the authorities or say anything to litERALLY ANYONE

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𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳

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𝐇umbert Humbert is an … interesting … name.

To me, it just feels so out of place in a book dealing with such heavy and controversial topics. Like???? Humbert Humbert is one of the LEAST threatening names out there. I realize that his name probably has some symbolic meaning behind it and an easy Google search tells me that Humbert’s name indeed means “renowned warrior”. I had also found that Vladimir Nabokov associates him to Tristram, a Celtic Knight who is a symbol of eternal and fatal love. This small detail is vastly interesting to me. I really like it when books have small hidden meanings that lead you down deep rabbit holes. Literally slay.

I have decided to start marking the pages where Humbert says anything slightly worrying or something that raises a red flag. I fully expect to use up all of my sticky notes (that are designed to look like cute little dogs<3) by the end of this book. He has already shown so many red flags but some part of me just wants to keep reading and watch him dig his own grave deeper and deeper.

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Humbert Humbert Red Flags:

• Pedophile
• Manipulative
• Has thoughts of murder
• French

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The way that Humbert writes and describes certain scenes in the novel causes such a visceral reaction in me. I’m kind of surprised (and grateful) that no one has seen the horrendous faces I make when I read certain parts of the book. At this point, Humbert hasn’t even met Lolita yet, but the things he’s been saying– I’m already worried for how much worse his detailing is going to get.

It literally scares me sometimes how Humbert is able to divert my attention from the horrors he’s committing. For example, I would be reading about him enjoying the scenery of Central Park, beautifully describing the setting, and then I’ll remember that he’s only there to creep on the children playing around. It gives me WHIPLASH every single time.

It’s so strange when Humbert talks about his pedophilic tendencies so nonchalantly. I’m just trying to enjoy the only 20 minutes of silent reading time I have in the day and then this mofo starts talking about the breasts of little girls. PLEASE. HUMBERT HUMBERT, IT IS NOT EVEN 8AM YET. PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK. I AM *BEGGING* YOU.

My little cup brims with tiddles.

Humbert Humbert after speaking about 10-11 yr olds’ bodies

LIKE HELLO???? HUMBERT HUMBERT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!??

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𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳: 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘓𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢?

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𝐋olita was definitely an interesting choice and certainly one that was completely unexpected by some of my friends. I’ve been frequently asked why I was going to willingly read a book about pedophilia and I think now is the perfect time to give an actual answer other than, “idk lmao”.

To start off, I am one of those people who had unrestricted access to the internet at a fairly young age. And being a middle schooler with almost no friends left a lot of time for me to mindlessly scroll through YouTube videos and Tumblr posts. Eventually I stumbled upon the Japanese fashion subculture called lolita. My brain loved all of the accessories and colors involved in the outfits, so off I went on my merry way; diving deeper into the rabbit hole. But as fate would have it, I stumbled upon a very interesting movie titled “Lolita”.

Naturally- I watched it.

Of course I wasn’t able to fully understand the complexity of the whole… age gap… Honestly, it just felt like one of those movies that you watch and become traumatized by it for a week or so and then move on. Like “Gremlins” or that one Cat in the Hat movie. And that’s indeed what happened with me and “Lolita”.

I forgot about the story for a while before it was once again mentioned by my cousin, years later, who said she was reading the book. Some part of me wanted to fulfill the morbid curiosity I felt. The controversies surrounding “Lolita” seemed to only fuel my growing want to read the book. I knew I didn’t understand it fully back then. So as someone who has hopefully matured and grown wiser, I think that it’s finally time I revisit the story. I was probably eventually going to read the book but the assignments attached to it finally gave me the push I needed to actually start.

The story so far has been really intriguing. I’m not that far into the novel (I’m still in part one and only a handful of pages in) but the one thing that sticks out to me is how scary it is. Not the conventional type of scary that involves monsters or gore. But the type of scary that just makes you think. I am very aware of how pretentious that made me sound, but like- there’s no other way for me to really describe it. It’s just terrifying reading words coming from a man almost trying to persuade you to offer up the slightest bit of empathy and attempt to even justify his actions. Humbert speaks so eloquently in the novel that even though I know what’s coming, I’m still going to be shocked when it happens.

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